Astrogoblin

Some say Jacob is still in that cutscene, talking to NPCs rendered in a game engine developed over a decade ago.

You know how we like talking about dog death? this video has a lot of it. there's also a really cool image of a gladiator arena with dudes fighting dinosaurs and giants, at least watch until then. also check out Noah (2014) while you're at it

Once upon a time we would have titled this video, "Tom Handsome and the Charlie Factory" or "Oompa Loompa for sale, never topped." You really don't know it's the good old days until they're over, huh?

While Mel Gibson was filming Monster Summer in Southport, North Carolina he was awarded the keys to the city by the Mayor who declared December 16 to be "Mel Gibson Day".

we didn't know that the Titanic split in half until 1985. Isn't that weird? if you watch any of the older Titanic movies it just kind of slips into the water, fully intact, which is way less scary

Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville. Me and Steve-O are gonna get laid off from Warner Bros. Discovery and start our own media company and end up trapping ourselves in an endless cycle of web content. This is... Astrogoblin.

Replaying this game is creating a lot of dysentery in the ranks, and it's been a real albacore around our necks.

I looked up the description for The Italian Stallion, and apparently Sylvester Stallone "services" and entire group of women! No confirmation yet on whether or not Jon Voight or Mel Gibson could do the same, but we have our top people putting out some calls now

Newark: The final frontier. These are the voyages of the 1999 Chevrolet Suburban. It's six-season mission: to steal strange new Poke-man cards; to shave off new eyebrows and care for new ducks; to boldly put Feech La Manna back in prison.

The Chinese Legend of Winter Solstice dates back to the Eastern Han Dynasty. A renowned traditional Chinese physician saw the poor suffering from the chilblains on their ears, so he had special dumplings stuffed with herbs and other ingredients made for them to help expel the cold. Since the dumplings are shaped like ears, he named them “Jiaoer.” From that time on, the tradition of eating Jiaozi (meaning dumplings) on Dongzhi began.

this game doesn't make no sense no more

WILL SASSO if you are reading this we would love to sit down and discuss who will play you in the film. We will be at the Hollywood Chick-Fil-A from 6am - Close on Tuesday. Have your agent drop you off.

In an interview with James Cameron, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Cameron asked Arnold where he'd go if he could travel back in time and Arnold said that he would have gone back in time and turned down the role of Hercules in New York.

Hey Tone, did you hear videogames are woke now? I was playing Kingdom Come Deliverance 2 with the Blundetto twins and it gave me the option to kiss another man. It totally ruined my immersion Tone, I'm gonna call up J.T. tomorrow and we're gonna write the first anti-woke videogame.

Astrogoblin is grateful to the generous contributions of the Not Bill Just Melinda Gates Association. With their help and the help of other generous benefactors we're able to find all new ways of expressing the absolute dumbest crap.

Patrick was given the offer of a lifetime by his coworkers, but they were furiously and definitively rebuked.

Luckily the worst person at your PTA meeting has seen all the nominees, so you can make an informed decision on what to see, and what to skip

You like hedges? I can get you over hedges.

"Peter, is your social worker in that Lala Barina?"

Mein Hut, der hat drei Ecken, drei Ecken hat mein Hut. Und hätt er nicht drei Ecken, so wär’s auch nicht mein Hut.

Heed! When the blood moon rises, a Patrick must get the poison out. If his nightmare isn't made photoshop, it's terrible grotesquity will take residence in the hearts of men. Should the Patrick not dispense of his poison in video format, then hide your wives and hide your swine. No sow is safe. Heed.

Nothing a little bowling can't fix.

We're giving you an exclusive look at the first AAAAA stabber!

Why does Legend of the Guardians The Owls of Ga'hoole for PS3 crash every time we start a new game, Master Wayne? The size of a tangerine.

this one is le epic

There's no clickbait articles here... unless you have brought them with you.

Some say the white ghost give you that weird little half-smile slash nod if you pass him in the night. Where the eyebrows raise up a little and the mouth gets slightly tighter.

"Hell is other people" Jean-Paul Sartre

"One Prince Albert to rule them all, One Prince Albert to find them, One Prince Albert to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them."

"I didn't want to see this,but my niece forced me to join her to watch it...I told her that I didn't want to see it and that they ruined the style of it but she's like 'I WANT TO BECAUSE IT'S ABOUT MINECRAFT!'" One star review, Common Sense Media (2025)

open your mouths, we've got some crumbs for you

nothing works in this one

See if you can spot the fake trailer!

you won't believe number 3!

Coatee cha tu goo; (Yub nub!) Coatee cha tu doo; (Yah wah!) Coatee cha tu too; (Ya chaa!) Allay loo ta nuv; Allay loo ta nuv; Allay loo ta nuv; Allay loo ta nuv.

Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. Grant me one request. Grant me 100,000 views. And if you do not listen, then to hell with you.

buy something nice for the gay witch in your life

Not to worry. We are still flying half a Battle Bus.

Max! Max Load. Max Load Max Load.

James finally agreed to come back if he could introduce us to his friends, the Robinsons

No pod is worth three Temu mystery boxes. Not by a long shot.

a mistake any dullard could have made

Big ups to the Skull Island.

Dude, John Optimus Prime look out! It's Vince Megatron!

we're much better at the game now

Ohana means dumping your sister at the neighbor's house and pounding Fireballs in San Diego.

Drink it up. Patrick won't laugh like this again for another 25 years.

the hardest we've ever shilled

We attempt to hire an editing ape.

"The greatest challenge of them all is to not tab away from Chip's Challenge" Patrick 4:20

"Silkie chicken in a broth. A black-boned bird prized in China for its medicinal values since the 7th century. Wolfberries, ginseng, ginger, red dates and star anise." "You made me chicken soup." "Yes". "Thank you, coach Dobias."

Let us know what you think this video is about in the comments.

In a later story, Grimm celebrates his Bar Mitzvah, since it has been 13 years, the age a Jewish boy celebrates his Bar Mitzvah, since he began his "second life" as the Thing. To celebrate the ceremony, he organizes a poker tournament and invites every available superhero.

Not ten minutes after we stopped recording, Charlotte and Jacob reequipped their stuff, rode out toward home, and were immediately set upon by a grandfather worm which ate and killed them. This video was made a great personal cost.

Are you guys excited to hear about Furia? Do you wanna know where it all started, where it all began with that dark character Cerdic?